so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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