First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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