I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
