My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
