I looked at my own cervix.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
