Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
