haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
