Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
