if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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