meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
