how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
