Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
