I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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