Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
