Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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