I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
