I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
