The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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