The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize