I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize