Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
