I cannot find my penis.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Randomize
