I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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