walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
