So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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