You smell like stripper and shame
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You've changed since you got that strap on
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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