My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
