If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
