Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
