Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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