One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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