Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize