either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
