Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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