So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
pray to the hookup gods
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
