dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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