shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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