i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize