I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
