this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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