Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
