My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
