I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
