Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
