I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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