You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
