so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
