Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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