My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
