Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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