Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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