Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
