The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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