I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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