I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize