Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
