I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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