he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
