Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
