My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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