Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
