I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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