Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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