Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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