he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
