I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm jealous of your bromance
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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