Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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