she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
